Do you think that relationships automatically develop into mature partnerships? They do, if both partners are willing to work at it. And yes, there is work involved.
However, there are several reasons why relationships don?t work well. We will put in here just five of those biggest reasons.
1. FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE MORE ? in any relationship, communication is essential. One needs to let the other person know what is in his or her mind. We cannot keep on second-guessing the other person. Open communication even becomes critical so as not to misunderstand each other. Problems arise when one partner expects the other to read his or her mind and you will agree with me that this is close to impossible.
My wife for example is an introvert. In our 1st years of marriage whenever she gets angry she just keeps quiet all the time and I get frustrated because it was like I was talking to a wall. But later she too realized that it was necessary for her to communicate and express herself in order to reconcile and put the unity back between us. We must also seek to be a listener and have an attitude like this:? I want to understand her so that I can know why she thinks and feels that way.?
2. SELFISHNESS - difficult as this may sound but when we are self-centered, we tend to dismiss the other person?s feelings and say anything we want to say to suit our moods. To be outward-looking is to be concerned of the feelings of the other person. You can ask yourself ?Did I make him happy today or did I hurt his feelings?? Most of the time because of pride we tend to hurt the other. In order to maintain unity in a relationship, we need to remove our pride. How? By thinking and caring more for the other person and trying to serve him better.
3. LACK OF SHOW OF AFFECTION ? we are social people. We interact with each other. One of the best ways to relay our feelings and concerns is a gentle touch, a warm hug, a peck in the cheek and other means of showing our affection. It is important to say ?You know that I love you?? to the person dearest to you. However you need to also to show your love outwardly one way or another. For example, I make it a point to kiss my wife goodbye every time I leave for work. Affection brings warmth and closeness to each other.
4. RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE NOT GOD CENTERED ? Christians look at the phrase ?Put God first in your Life?. Christians believe that GOD is LOVE and experience His immense love. With the awareness of putting God in the relationship, we elevate that relationship into a higher plane, a higher level. This is an INCREDIBLE way of enhancing the relationship. Trust, concern, caring, being kind, forgiveness etc. naturally follows with this awareness that God is around, guiding the relationship.
5. ABSENCE OF FRIENDSHIP ? ?we?re lovers, not friends? as a saying goes. But let?s face it, being married for say, 7 years would make any couple fall from the ?romantic? state and settle to a ?dry? relationship. But keeping in mind that you were friends before you got married and that you did things that you had in common, you can press the ?refresh? button and build that friendship. I found out that my wife IS my BEST FRIEND.
Make the first move TODAY; don?t fall for the biggest reasons why relationships don?t work. Instead, communicate, be unselfish, show your affection, think of God and be the best friend to your partner. You?ll be amazed with the results!
Keep it happy, fresh and feeling great!
Short note about the author
Ted and Christine Segura have been involved in the topic of relationships and are in an organization that helps couples and families in the areas of family life and enhancing relations. Go to http://www.idealfamilylife.com