As a sexologist I get to talk to many men and women about sex. The funny thing is that most people I talk to tell me that they think others are having a much greater sex life than they are. Generally they say that their own sex is pretty boring and non exciting. The longer the couple has been together the more boring sex seems to have become. Of course there are couples that have great sex and have been together for ages. These couples are rare in my experience.
A recent study found that in 2 years of marriage, the women's interest in sex had dropped off about 50 . There was also a lot less intercourse per week.
So what can one do to spice up ones sex life? I like to think of sex in 3 flavours.
The first one is partner connection. Women generally love this style of lovemaking. In this flavour the emotional connection with your lover is most important. Generally, couples when they first fall in love have a lot of partner connection in sex. There is a lot of eye gazing, touch and emotions flowing and sex is really just great. It seems to flow and there is much hugging, touch and foreplay.
So how does one get more of this connections with your partner. One tip in sex to get more of this flavour is to open your eyes during sex. I find most couple do not even take a look at their lover. The eyes connect and the emotions
can flow thought he eyes. for the more advanced, I suggest to open your eyes during orgasm. Most men find this a challenge but it can be done!
The second flavour of lovemaking is what I like to call trance. In this style one goes into oneself and is totally in ones own fantasy, sensations or a trance like state. Eyes are closed as the connection with your partner is not important. Most men seem to like trance.
I did have a lover that loved going into trance. However, I just felt I was a travel agent taking her to amazing places. Since I could not come along I felt unsatisfied. The touch was one way and I found this frustrating. I did communicate this and she did start to touch me more.
The third flavour is role playing. This can be a great deal of fun. One can act out ones fantasies or take on roles of the sexual healer or priest. How about becoming animals?. Bondage games fall into this type of play. Generally this is more challenging for most people. However playing roles really can spice up your sex life.
With my clients I suggest they start to explore the flavours that they are weak on. Most couples do not play roles as it is a bit scary. I suggest to pass through is fear and really start to explore.
If you have boring sex, you are actually committed to this on some level. Challenge your lover to do something different and you might have to compromise too. Suggest your lover takes the lead in trying something new too. Above all, have fun.
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