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The Art of the Approach: How to Approach Women in 3 Easy Steps

In my article, "The Art of the Approach--to Life," I taught you the best ways to approach the very art of approaching: with attitude, and with choice. Decide what mindset you're...
Views: 3.906 Created 12/05/2006

In my article, "The Art of the Approach--to Life," I taught you the best ways to approach the very art of approaching: with attitude, and with choice. Decide what mindset you're going to carry into your encounters with girls, and decide what kind of girls you actually want. Once you've figured out what type of women you want, it's time to go for her. Let's find out what are some great ways to approach girls, then how to get the first date.

First subject: the inevitable topic of pick-up lines. They just don?t work. You know why? Because they?re predictable and ordinary, the exact things girls DON?T want from a guy. When you feed a standard pickup line to her, you?re communicating that you?re the same as every other guy you there. Not what you want. What WOMEN want are excitement, spontaneity, surprise. They also want someone GENUINE. So when you?re talking to a girl, don?t look like you?re copying someone?s lines; talk like you just noticed her and, being confident, decided you want to pursue her.

Be open and honest; don?t pretend to be someone you?re not.

Use open body language?a relaxed, leaned-back body, and open arms and legs.

Direct eye contact is also CRUCIAL; looking down or away while talking just doesn?t fly.

Most of all, if you?re able to shock a chick with surprise?a crucial way of impressing and attracting a girl?then you?re really in for a treat. Or rather, she is.

Unfortunately, a lot of times you won?t be able to just go up to her; you?ll have to get through her group of friends, first. If you have some buddies with you, this is where the old ?wingman approach? comes in handy. Make sure you and your buddy, or buddies, are on the same page as each other. Don?t go into a group with differing approaches?there?s nothing worse than one guy being cool and relaxed, and another being all braggadocio and stupid. Key your buddy in to how you want to approach.

Approach Techniques

A lot of guys ask me, ?How do I just go up to a group and start talking?? Well, let me tell you what works from past experience:

1-Use Humor. I had a friend I did a schtick with that ALWAYS got us into the group. One of us would go to a girl in the group and be like, ?Hey, I need your help on something. Do you think my friend Mike?or whatever your friend?s name is?is gay? I mean, look at his nice shirt, nice hair, nice skin. He?s gotta be gay!? Not only do girls laugh at this, but they feel they have to give their input. Nothing quite flatters like asking for advice.

2-Ask questions. As in the previous example, asking a group for their opinion on something?especially something funny?is a great way to get inside the group, then get to the girl you?re interested in. If you ask the question in a genuine way, and listen intently, the group of girls will feel flattered and excited. You?ve also given them a spark to an otherwise boring evening out. Joke about their answers, and ask more questions, and you should be in for a while.

3-Develop a secret, ?inside? joke. Nothing works quite like having something personal between you and a group of people. An inside joke, or a secret handshake or sign, is a great way to do things. Try saying something to the group like, ?Hey, ya know, we need a secret handshake or something.? Girls are all about making connections, so doing something that builds a strong foundation for friendship means guaranteed success.

But the all time best method:

4-Tell a story. This is what the guy I consider to be the original master of the art of approaching: Joseph Matthews, aka Thundercat, recommends, and it works not only for groups of girls but also for one girl in particular. He says, "When you first meet a girl, it is usually a good idea to have at least 3 openers and 3 stories memorized that you can talk to them about. Be sure that the openers and stories are good, open-ended, and interactive conversation pieces. Then, you're going to STACK them."

Good story-telling is definitely the best ?in? to a group of girls. If you can make up a good story, like, ?Hey, did you see that crazy guy in here who was dancing around in his underwear??, or ?Hey, have any of you ever heard of Celtic soul-gazing??, then you should be in. You have to be convincing, and a good story-teller, but it?s a great way to open up the group to outsiders. Entertainment=Results.

Setting Up the First Date

Okay, so now you?re alone with your target, the girl you want to talk to. How do you set things up for another date? Joseph Matthews writes that no girl will go out with you on a first date without you first establishing TRUST. As he writes, "the quality of that number isn't always the best. About 90 of the time, it's a fake number the girl gave him just to get away from him, and the other 10 of the time, the girl isn't interested enough to go out with him."

You have to set a TEMPO in getting the phone number. Don't rush. It's important that you come off as cool, relaxed, and confident. Guys who have those qualities are in no hurry to get a phone number because they are CONFIDENT a girl will eventually give them his number.

It all begins with the basics--ABC: Always Be in Control:

In this case, be in control of yourself by being relaxed, calm, and PATIENT.

Don?t worry the whole time about getting her phone number; it?ll come if you act like you KNOW it will come.

Remember to show an open body that suggests you?re relaxed, and confident.

Keep your hands wide, your feet open.

ALWAYS look a girl in the eye; if you don?t, you?ve already lost. Steady eye contact conveys confidence and control over the girl.

Leaning back like you?ve got all the time in the world is also great; it will calm and relax her, too.

Just by doing these things, your girl will see that this is a guy she SHOULD give her phone number to. The ironic thing is, the less you show you care about seeing her again, the more likely SHE?LL care and give you her phone number, or suggest you meet up another time.

As Matthews writes in his free 6-day e-course, "Here's the sequence I usually follow when getting the date:

1. Invite her out right then and there. Either I'll ask her what she's doing right now and if she wants to get a drink. If that's not convenient, I'll ask her if she wants to meet up later that night.

2. If she says "Yes" to meeting up later, I'll then ask for her number. If she says "No," I'll still ask for her number because I like her and I want to see her again.

3. Finally, I'll ask her when a good time to call is.

That simple 3-step process will get you a TON of dates.

Setting up the next meeting during the initial interaction is ideal. If you can't do that, get her number and try to set it up later."

Practical, wise advice that you can actually use, to get results, not frustration. That's why I consider him the best pick-up artist out there. Other artists might have fancier techniques, but his actually make sense and work.

There are so many ways to approach girls. Few of them are exactly right and exactly wrong; a lot of it is subjective. Guess that's why they call it the ART, not the science, of approach.

Short note about the author

James Brito, bestselling author of "How to Be Irresistible to Women" and "The Art of Impressing Women," regularly explores topics of female attraction. Since 2000, he has helped thousands of men around the world build confidence and get the women they DESERVE. To get his free six-part audio mini-course, visit: http://www.000relationships.com/

Because it's YOUR turn!

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