…thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”, Leviticus 19:18
One of the few rules I try to live my life by, and fail every day trying, is the Golden Rule.
I love the simplicity of the Golden Rule, its tendency to make I
interact with happier … and its tendency to make me happier as well.
It’s true: the rule of treating others as you would want to
be treated in their place will ultimately lead to your own happiness.
Let’s say that you apply the Golden Rule in all of your interactions
with other people, and you help your neighbors, you treat your family
with kindness, you go the extra mile for your co-workers, you help a
stranger in need.
Now, those actions will undoubtedly be good for the people you help
and are kind to … but you’ll also notice a strange thing. People will
treat you better too, certainly. Beyond that, though, you will
find a growing satisfaction in yourself, a belief in yourself, a
knowledge that you are a good person and a trust in yourself.
Those are not small dividends. They are huge. And for that reason —
not even considering that our world will be a better place if more
people live by this rule — I recommend you make the Golden Rule a focus
of your actions, and try to live by it to the extent that you can.
I will admit that there are strong arguments against the Golden Rule, that there are exceptions and logic arguments
that the Golden Rule, taken to extremes, falls apart. I’m not concerned
about that stuff. The truth is, on a day-to-day basis, living by the
Golden Rule will make you a better person, will make those around you
happier, and will make the community you live in a better place.
With that in mind, let’s take a look at some practical tips for living the Golden Rule in your daily life:
- Practice empathy. Make it a habit to try to place
yourself in the shoes of another person. Any person. Loved ones,
co-workers, people you meet on the street. Really try to understand, to
the extent that you can, what it is like to be them, what they are
going through, and why they do what they do.
- Practice compassion.
Once you can understand another person, and feel what they’re going
through, learn to want to end their suffering. And when you can, take
even a small action to somehow ease their suffering in some way.
- How would you want to be treated? The Golden Rule
doesn’t really mean that you should treat someone else exactly as you’d
want them to treat you … it means that you should try to imagine how
they want to be treated, and do that. So when you put yourself in their
shoes, ask yourself how you think they want to be treated. Ask yourself
how you would want to be treated if you were in their situation. John
F. Kennedy did that during the controversial days of de-segregation in
the 1960s, asking white Americans to imagine being looked down upon and
treated badly based only on the color of their skin. He asked them to
imagine how they would want to be treated if they were in that
situation, and act accordingly towards the blacks.
- Be friendly. When in doubt, follow this tip. It’s
usually safe to be friendly towards others. Of course, there are times
when others just don’t want someone acting friendly towards them, and
you should be sensitive to that. You should also be friendly within the
bounds of appropriateness. But who doesn’t like to feel welcome and
- Be helpful. This is probably one of the weaknesses
of our society. Sure, there are many people who go out of their way to
be helpful, and I applaud them. But in general there is a tendency to
keep to yourself, and to ignore the problems of others. Don’t be blind
to the needs and troubles of others. Look to help even before you’re
- Be courteous in traffic. Another weakness of our
society. There are few times when we are as selfish as when we’re
driving. We don’t want to give up the right of way, we cut people off,
we honk and curse. Perhaps it’s the isolation of the automobile. We
certainly don’t act that rude in person, most of the time. So try to be
courteous in traffic.
- Listen to others. Another weakness: we all want to
talk, but very few of us want to listen. And yet, we all want to be
listened to. So take the time to actually listen to another person,
rather than just wait your turn to talk. It’ll also go a long way to
helping you understand others.
- Overcome prejudice. We all have our prejudices,
whether it’s based on skin color, attractiveness, height, age, gender …
it’s human nature, I guess. But try to see each person as an individual
human being, with different backgrounds and needs and dreams. And try
to see the commonalities between you and that person, despite your
- Stop criticism. We all have a tendency to
criticize others, whether it’s people we know or people we see on
television. However, ask yourself if you would like to be criticized in
that person’s situation. The answer is almost always “no”. So hold back
your criticism, and instead learn to interact with others in a positive
- Don’t control others. It’s also rare that people
want to be controlled. Trust me. So don’t do it. This is a difficult
thing, especially if we are conditioned to control people. But when you
get the urge to control, put yourself in that person’s shoes. You would
want freedom and autonomy and trust, wouldn’t you? Give that to others
- Be a child. The urge to control and criticize is
especially strong when we are adults dealing with children. In some
cases, it’s necessary, of course: you don’t want the child to hurt
himself, for example. But in most cases, it’s not. Put yourself in the
shoes of that child. Remember what it was like to be a child, and to be
criticized and controlled. You probably didn’t like it. How would you
want to be treated if you were that child?
- Send yourself a reminder. Email yourself a daily
reminder (use Google Calendar or memotome.com, for example) to live
your life by the Golden Rule, so you don’t forget.
- Tie a string to your finger. Or give yourself some
other reminder throughout the day so that you don’t forget to follow
the Golden Rule in all interactions with others. Perhaps a fake golden
ring on your keychain? A tattoo? :)
- Post it on your wall or make it your home page. The Golden Rule makes a great mantra, and a great poster.
- Rise above retaliation. We have a tendency to
strike back when we’re treated badly. This is natural. Resist that
urge. The Golden Rule isn’t about retaliation. It’s about treating
others well, despite how they treat you. Does that mean you should be a
doormat? No … you have to assert your rights, of course, but you can do
so in a way where you still treat others well and don’t strike back
just because they treated you badly first. Remember Jesus’ wise (but
difficult to follow) advice: turn the other cheek.
- Be the change. Gandhi famously told us to be the
change we want to see in the world. Well, we often think of that quote
as applying to grand changes, such as poverty and racism and violence.
Well, sure, it does apply to those things … but it also applies on a
much smaller scale: to all the small interactions between people. Do
you want people to treat each other with more compassion and kindness?
Then let it start with you. Even if the world doesn’t change, at least
- Notice how it makes you feel. Notice how your
actions affect others, especially when you start to treat them with
kindness, compassion, respect, trust, love. But also notice the change
in yourself. Do you feel better about yourself? Happier? More secure?
More willing to trust others, now that you trust yourself? These
changes come slowly and in small increments, but if you pay attention,
you’ll see them.
- Say a prayer. There is a prayer on the Golden Rule,
attributed to Eusebius of Caesarea, that would be worth saying once a
day. It includes the following lines, among others: “May I gain no
victory that harms me or my opponent.
May I reconcile friends who are mad at each other.
May I, insofar as I can, give all necessary
help to my friends and to all who are in need.
May I never fail a friend in trouble.”