If you're in a marriage or relationship that isn't as happy or fulfilling as you'd like it to be...if you're in a marriage or relationship where your needs are going unmet...and no matter what you say or do you can't seem to get through to your spouse, then read on because in this article, you get a simple and powerful way to get your message through to them and thereby initiate the improvements you want.
Many a man and woman started out in a wonderful relationship. He thought she was just the thing – and she thought the same of him. In fact, they both just "couldn't" live without each other – they "had" to be together.
You know what happened next...
Over the course of time, the "togetherness" gave way to "separateness".
The excitement and happiness gave way to dullness and unhappiness.
Now, permit me to share some good old-fashioned marriage advice – the kind that really works...
Husband, what it took for you to get your lady is what it will take for you to keep her!
Wife, what it took for you to get your man is what it will take for you to keep him!
Stop doing what you did to get him or her and soon enough, you're going to lose him or her.
It's as simple and sophisticated as that.
Of course, at some level, every husband and wife knows this. And yet, husbands and wives everywhere violate this truth that they know.
Then, when the relationship falls apart – as it surely will when this truth is violated – when an affair is discovered or divorce papers are served – they say things like, "I'm shocked. I had no idea he/she felt that way."
Now, I want to help you get through to your spouse so hold this thought of, "What it took to get him or her is what it will take to keep them" and let's cover one more thing...
The marriage relationships that fail, the one's that end up in disaster, the one's that wreck people's lives have a specific strategy that they use to reach that end.
And, the marriage relationships that survive and thrive, the one's that are a source of joy, satisfaction, fulfillment, and inspiration also have a specific strategy that they use to reach that end.
Would it be useful to you to know what the difference is between the strategies? Yes? Ok...
In marriages that have failed, the strategy used was this; sometimes the husband...sometimes the wife...often both of them essentially viewed their marriage as a THING – it was something to GET – and once they GOT it, they were then free to move on and GET other things that they were individually interested in – and while they were pursuing their individual interests, they still EXPECTED to GET whatever it was they wanted from their spouse without any additional effort or cost on their part.
Well actually, in the beginning, they did GET a THING...when they got married they received a marriage certificate stating that they were legally married.
A marriage certificate isn't a marriage!
A marriage relationship isn't a THING. It's an ongoing PROCESS.
And marriages that survive and thrive understand this...because their strategy is one of continually RELATING to one another in a way where there is BALANCE between them as they BOTH repeatedly put forth the effort and pay the price to GIVE to each other – which means they perpetually RECEIVE from each other.
And yes, even in the best of marriages, there are times when it's a sacrifice to give. But mostly, it's a joy. And yes too, there are times it seems like one is giving out more than they're getting back. But here too, soon enough, one finds that it all comes back to them and more.
Ok, so how do you get through to your spouse so that you can get your marriage going in a better, happier, more fulfilling direction? Here's how...
In a loving, kind way you DIRECTLY and BOLDLY tell your spouse, "A marriage is an ongoing process of RELATING to each other in a way where we are both SERVING to meet each others needs – where we are BOTH having our needs SERVED by the other. Further, we must BOTH realize that what it took to ATTRACT each other is what it will take to KEEP each other. And, if EITHER or BOTH of us STOP SERVING or DOING ATTRACTING and ATTRACTIVE things, then OUR marriage WILL dissolve and come to an END. I want you to know that I don't want that to happen and my hope is that you don't want that to happen...AND from my perspective and experience there are some things we DEFINITELY need to work on IF we BOTH want this marriage to be the happy, fulfilling, and satisfying union it was meant to be. Am I making myself clear? <wait for a response> Am I getting through to you? <wait for a response> Good, I'm ready to talk about this in depth whenever you're ready...we can do it now or we can do it within the next day or so if you need a few hours to gather your thoughts...which would you prefer?"
I can assure you, if you express this message in the right way, it WILL get the attention of your spouse. And, it works particularly well because it gets them thinking in terms of PROCESS and RELATING and HAPPY, SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE and SHARED RESPONSIBILITY. This is much better than two people feeling "unhappy" with each other and fighting and arguing without ever channeling their energies and emotions in the direction of improvement.
Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro of NymphomaniacWife.com. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to the following website is included with it.
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