If this isn’t the first article that you’ve read on about what to do after you’re broken up with, you’re not a stranger to the advice of giving your ex some distance and time of usually about a month (or longer if need be). This advice is sound, though it doesn’t sound like it. You’re probably thinking that it’s better to stalk your ex, keep an eye on his/her every move so you know what he/she is doing at all times and by doing this, you’ll be able to fix whatever problem grew between you. You can claim you’re being observant. Really, though, you’re being a pest and a bit creepy.
There are reasons why you shouldn’t continue to see or attempt to communicate with your ex more extensively than you have to. Most of these reasons all fit in two categories: preventing further damage and creating new and different opportunities.
No More Damage:
When you continue to call your ex after a break up, you’re likely to start sharing all of your feelings. Sometimes these feelings are that of sorrow that portray you as desperate and weak. Sometimes these feelings are of anger that creates an image of you being a jerk. Either way, you’re likely to regret painting either picture for your ex. He/she is already upset and has a bad image in regards to you; don’t confirm his/her suspicions.
Not to mention, the only way to miss something is if it disappears. If you don’t make a vanishing act, how is your ex going to miss you? By hanging around you’re going to appear as clingy and desperate and, all around, create more tension. When your ex says he/she needs time, he/she really needs time.
Making a New Opportunity:
Imagine for a moment that you’re walking down the street a month after your breakup and you see your ex standing there, looking better than you remember. How do you want your ex to see you? By taking the time to be separated, you’re giving yourself a better chance at looking better for your ex. The time you spent not pining away was put to good use like getting back into shape and rediscovering who you are. Isn’t that what you want your ex to see from you?
If you’re always in your ex’s face, he/she isn’t going to be able to see the change that will eventually come when you’ve given yourself time to heal. If your ex doesn’t see you for a month, the changes that you went through - which are subtle from day to day - will be an amazing and wonderful shock for your ex. He/she is going to be the one trying to get back with you.
This isn’t just advice to forget about your ex, but a hope that you will be able to become a new being that will be stronger after a breakup. If you want to get back with your ex, he/she needs to see that you’ve changed which can only happen when they don’t see you for awhile.
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