There’s a very dangerous time just after a bad breakup when you need to think twice and even three times about your actions. It’s a crazy time when both you and your ex are struggling to come to terms with a maelstrom of pain, anger, resentment and incomprehension. You’ll find yourself wanting to act without thinking, relying on reflex and reaction. This is a bad idea.
If you’re serious about getting your relationship back then you need to avoid do anything pushy, overwhelming or demanding. You’re both vulnerable and the slightest misjudgment you make could push him further away than ever.
Despite all your instincts to keep talking and hammering away at the problem it’s much wiser to sever all contact. If you remove yourself completely from his life then he’s going to realize far more quickly and thoroughly just what the breakup has brought about.
If he thinks he’ll be better of without you then you need to let him experience that. Staying with him and trying to re-establish intimacy won’t teach him anything about himself and his feelings but it will make him take your attention for granted and it might even make you look desperate. You don’t need either of those things to happen. What you’re doing is giving him back what he played an important part in destroying without making him do any of the work. That isn’t going to lead to long-term stability because it will make him think you’ll always be there for him on his terms whatever else he does – including seeing other women.
Practically it may not be possible to enforce a complete separation – especially if there are kids involved – but if you have to see him make sure you act in a way which tells him unequivocally that you’re there for every other possible reason than to spend time with him. That’s the surest way to start getting him interested again.
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