What is love?
Well, unhappily married people would say it's that "magic" feeling that "just happens" between two people...it's not something you can consciously create...it's that "spark" that's either there or it isn't.
And, with a definition like that, you know WHY these people are unhappily married.
Love is the thing that people want more than anything else in life...and unhappily married people have defined it as something that's completely outside of their control.
They've defined it as a WHIM that can come AND go...it's something that's unbelievably exciting when it's there and intolerable when it's not...and they are literally wrecking their lives trying to find and "pin down" this elusive feeling.
For people who are unhappily married, love is something to "GET" from others.
In complete and total contrast, happily married people define love as a feeling that is subject to their thoughts...thoughts produce feelings...and therefore, to produce the feelings one wants is as simple as having the right kinds of thoughts.
Moreover, in the view of happily married people, love is something that a person receives IN KIND!
In other words, one doesn't try to GET love from others...rather they GIVE love to others WITH JOY AND PLEASURE which inspires others to GIVE love back.
While unhappily married people take the "hard" route of bending over backwards to GET love...and rarely ever reaching it...happily married people take the "easy" route by bending forward and GIVING it to their spouse and everyone around them...and love EASILY comes back to them.
Moreover, love is deciding that one's spouse HAS value and being committed to showing, expressing, and articulating that value in as many ways as possible.
As you consider that, perhaps the elusive secret to a happy marriage really is as simple as consciously deciding to consistently put intention, attention, and effort towards HAVING a happy marriage.
That's not very hard and yet so many people's behavior indicates that they think a good marriage is just a matter of happenstance. It's like they think their marriage is a "thing" like their car or home or watch. But, it most definitely is not.
Your marriage is something that you and your spouse are DOING. And, by looking at the level of happiness, satisfaction, and pleasure that's in your marriage, you can tell how well the two of you are DOING your marriage.
Do you like the results of what the two of you are doing? If not, then maybe it's time to learn what happily married people do so that you can do what they do and get the results they get.
Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if authorship credit is given to Calle Zorro and a link to HusbandWifeHelp.com is included with it:
www.HusbandWifeHelp.com Learn the secrets and patterns of happily married people. Find out what they do...how they think...their viewpoint...their feelings...everything...and it's all packaged up as a "model" that you and your spouse can easily "install" in your own marriage and thereby get the same happy marriage result that happily married people have. Filed Under: Do It Yourself Marriage Counseling or Marriage Counseling: Do-It-Yourself