Fellow husband, are you falling short in satisfying and fulfilling your wife? I'm wondering this because I see the same "pattern" emerge again and again when a wife cheats on her husband.
As someone who does extensive research into marriage relationships, I frequently get to interact with men whose wife has cheated on them. And, what's interesting is that these men "thought" they knew their wife...they thought they knew what she wanted...and what she liked and didn't like...and who she really was. But, when these men contrasted what they "knew" with what their wife and her lover actually DID, they realized they didn't know their wife at all.
For example, consider this man's story (names changed for privacy):
Bob and Sue had been married for nearly 10 years. Before that, they had dated for nearly 4 years because Bob wanted to make sure he married a "good" woman. Moreover, Bob wanted to be a "good" husband and provider. And, although he had to work a lot, Bob had done well enough that they had a nice home in a nice neighborhood, they drove nice vehicles, and Sue was able to stay home with their son and daughter.
All in all, Bob really thought he "knew" his wife. Bob "knew" that his wife was the moral good girl. In fact, he described her as the "Sunday-School Teacher" type.
Bob "knew" that his wife wanted sex 2 – 3 times per month...and even though Bob had repeatedly pushed for more than that through the years, he just couldn't seem to get her to buy into more frequency. In fact, Bob admitted that as far as he could remember, only twice in their entire marriage had they had sex twice in one week...that once every two weeks was the "norm" for his wife.
Bob "knew" that his wife only liked having sex in the missionary position and that she was not open to experimenting with other positions or doing even simple things like oral sex because he could count on one hand the number of times anything outside of "normal" had happened in their nearly 10 years of marriage.
Yes, Bob "knew" his wife and nobody could have convinced him that she was anything otherwise...at least not until he came home unexpectedly one afternoon and caught her fully engaged in "wild" sex with their next-door neighbor man.
In confronting her, Bob found out that Sue had been having this affair for over 6 months. He found out that she was having sex with this neighbor man 4 – 5 times per week...that they had engaged in sex in a boat...at the zoo...and a host of other "crazy" places. He found out that she frequently gave the neighbor man "blow jobs" just to make sure he was "sexually satisfied" and that she had danced naked for him and gave him anal sex on his birthday.
Needless to say, Bob was literally blown away. He was beyond shocked. Sue's level of sexuality with this other man was beyond anything that Bob could have imagined or comprehended in relation to her. And of course, the deeper hurt was the fact that Bob had wanted all these things himself. HE had wanted Sue to share her sexuality with him but he had never been able to get her to do that.
Now, I want you to check something...what are your thoughts about Sue right now?
Are you thinking of her as a tramp, slut, or whore? If so, (assuming you've been married for more than a year or two) I can RELIABLY predict that YOU have a low-sex to nearly sexless marriage yourself...and that YOU seriously need to make some changes in YOUR life.
How can I predict that? Here's how...
Men who have a happy, sexual marriage have a very different way of thinking, behaving, and operating...they process information like the story I just told you in a much more USEFUL way. They don't concern themselves or waste their mental energy on judging, condemning, or criticizing other people...they figure that's a USELESS, NON-PRODUCTIVE activity one their part...and besides, God is far more qualified to judge other people than they are.
Instead, along with feeling sympathy for Bob and the children, they quickly ask themselves a USEFUL question such as, "What do I need to learn from this...what do I need to do differently...what do I need to change in ME...to make sure I never experience something like this?"
Here's the thing...a man who has a happy, sexual marriage understands that he MUST be the man who is the best deal around for his woman. That's why he asks himself useful questions and then IMPLEMENTS the answers that he comes up with.
Ok, it's time for you to check something again...what did you think about the statement, "he must be the man who is the best deal around for his woman"?
Well, here's what I can tell you...those guys who have the low-sex to sexless marriage RESENT that kind of statement. They "think" they should just be able to be who they are without doing anything special...without putting forth any real effort...and that should just be good enough for their wife. They "believe" that whether or not they are the "best deal", their wife should just stay loyal and faithful to them.
Well, maybe she "should"...and maybe in the dreamy world of some guy's head, she "would". But, in the real world, to be a man who expects a woman to hang around with him when he's NOT the "best deal" shows that he doesn't understand how women think and operate.
Now, I don't want to sound like I'm excusing people from their wrong-doing because I'm not. The fact is, even as I write this, it's been several years since this particular incident actually happened and both Sue and the neighbor man are STILL reaping long-term consequences that are far worse than whatever momentary pleasure they derived from their 6-month "fling".
But, like I pointed out before, that's not our business. OUR business is making sure that we are the MAN who IS the BEST DEAL around for our woman!!!
So, have you got the lesson yet?
Have you got what you needed to learn from this?
Well, to make sure you have, I want you to think about all that I've said from this specific angle... There IS a HOT, SEXY woman hidden away in your wife...and I'm pretty certain you have seen occasional glimpses of THAT woman through your years of marriage...and YOU really need to bring THAT woman "out" before your wife let's some other man bring that part of her out.
That's the mistake that Bob made...he never took the initiative to learn how to bring his wife's sexuality "out" where they BOTH could enjoy it.
He WANTED it...but he didn't put forth the effort to LEARN how to bring his wife's sexuality out!
You do know there is a BIG, BIG, difference between wanting something and doing something about getting it, don't you?
Consider this...most people are being "selfish" in such a way that they CHEAT THEMSELVES out of the good that they want. But, there's another way to be "selfish" where you get everything you want...and that's what men who have a happy, sexual marriage understand...and what you need to understand too...
Be "selfish" in a way that's useful to YOU...become the MAN who is the "best deal" around so that you INSPIRE your wife to open up her sexuality to you.
I mean, come one, think about it...if you were to become that MAN who is the "best deal" around, your wife would HAVE to come up with SOMETHING that she could give back in order to match your new and greater "value".
What could she give you that's of equal "value"?
Well, pretty much nothing except the hot, sexual woman that's hidden away inside of her!
So, are you thinking about making some changes? For your sake, I hope you are...
Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if authorship credit is given to Calle Zorro and a link to DoThisGetSex.com is included with it:
The issue for most husbands is NOT that they have a non-sexual wife (although that's what they usually think). The real issue is that men need to learn how to think and operate in the way that lets them get more love and get more sex. So, if there is a lack of affection, lack of intimacy, and lack of sex in your marriage, go here: www.DoThisGetSex.com You'll be glad you did.