How to control premature ejaculation
We know that three fourths of all men ejaculate within two minutes of entering their partner. Premature ejaculation is so widespread, in fact, that it seems almost to have been accepted as normal by long-suffering women and their partners. But ejaculating within two minutes of penetration is not normal, and premature ejaculation can be prevented.
Assuming that you don't want to go to a sex therapist, what can you do for yourself if you're a man who experiences premature ejaculation during lovemaking? The answer is to use one of the powerful and effective self-help programs available on the internet to deal with the problem, so you get more self control and you're able to last longer in bed. First, though, it's helpful to understand that "control" is the wrong way to look at solving premature ejaculation, because control implies that you have to fight against premature ejaculation. The natural way to make love, in fact, is to choose when to ejaculate, so that self-control never becomes an issue. It should be your choice when you ejaculate, your choice how long lovemaking lasts.
This may seem impossible to you right now if you have to worry about premature ejaculation every time you make love. You may wonder how it could ever be possible for a man to be able to make a choice about when he ejaculates. But think of urinating - you make a choice about when you do that. And that is how it should naturally be with your ejaculation - and indeed, you can easily learn to have the control over when to let go and ejaculate during sex.
The thing is that men who ejaculate too quickly are over-sensitive to sexual stimuli, over-sensitive to sexual arousal - they get to the point of no return, otherwise known as the point of ejaculatory inevitability, too soon, and often without even realizing they are getting there. Then, before they know it, their ejaculation happens prematurely once again, reinforcing the cycle of self-doubt and anxiety.
If you can keep yourself below the point of no return, in other words if you keep your level of sexual arousal below a certain point, you won't ejaculate until you choose to do so - and you can make that choice by thrusting harder and faster and building up to a powerful orgasm when you're ready to to so. That might be when your partner has enjoyed her orgasm, or when you're both satisfied with the time you've spent making love. But the key thing is that you have control over your ejaculation. You don't experience a premature ejaculation, coming before you and your partner want it to happen.
I should add at this point that cures for premature ejaculation based on contracting your PC muscles to stop yourself ejaculating (also known as your love muscles, that is to say, the muscles around the base of your penis) simply don't work. You can't contract those muscles hard enough to stop yourself ejaculating - and trying to do so spoils all the fun of lovemaking, which should be all about enjoying sex in a relaxed way, and choosing when to ejaculate, not struggling ferociously against the power of your own body, as it tries to make you ejaculate too soon!
So the essence of any technique to overcome premature ejaculation has to be learning to identify the moment just before you ejaculate, and then letting your sexual arousal drop until you are no longer likely to ejaculate. You can do this by ceasing your thrusts and remaining still inside your partner until your level of arousal has dropped. You can even pull out altogether. But timing this is crucial. When you feel you're back in charge, so to speak, and the sense of an impending premature ejaculation has passed, you can carry on making love.
Preventing premature ejaculation like this needs some self-discipline, because the temptation to simply continue thrusting and enjoy your ejaculation is strong! So you need to start by changing your attitude so that you have the desire to last longer during sex and the belief that you can stop your rapid ejaculation!
Of course, you can learn how near you are to the point of no return, just before ejaculation, during masturbation. Often men self-pleasure quickly and ejaculate as soon as possible: instead, you can develop more control over how quickly you reach orgasm and ejaculate. When you begin to sense your orgasm and ejaculation is approaching, stop stimulating yourself and wait until you sense that the moment of incipient ejaculation (the point of no return) has passed. Then you can start to masturbate again.
It won't be long before you become much more sensitive to the point at which you're going to ejaculate. The signs that precede your ejaculation, premature ejaculation or otherwise, might include a tightening of muscles in your legs and groin, a full or tight feeling in your testes (balls) as they tighten up and a tingling sensation in your glans penis. But whatever the clues are for you that you're about to ejaculate, focus on them until you have a good sense of how near to ejaculation you are.
Practice approaching ejaculation and then stopping self-stimulation. After a while, you'll feel confident that your arousal has dropped and you'll be able to keep yourself on the edge of ejaculation for gradually longer lasting periods in bed. This will also make your ejaculation much more powerful when it does eventually occur.
You might also like to train your PC muscles, your so-called love muscles, as part of your program to overcome premature ejaculation. When they are fit, they contract harder during your ejaculation: this adds to the power of your orgasm. That fitness also seems to give you greater control over when you ejaculate - not by clamping them down and stopping your ejaculation, but simply by giving you a sense of greater power and choice about when you ejaculate. Your PC muscles can be made stronger with "Kegel exercises for men" (you can research this on the internet); you can identify them fairly easily by twitching your penis when it's erect. If you train your PC muscles you will shoot your ejaculate further and have more powerful and enjoyable orgasms.
As you may have guessed, the final stages of your program to overcome premature ejaculation involve trying this new found self-control as you make love. If you feel you're going to ejaculate, pause until your level of arousal has dropped, then carry on making love when you feel more in control. The most important thing is that you know when you are about to ejaculate and you then do something to stop it happening! You can do this by paying attention to how aroused you're feeling, not to how excited you are, or what your partner looks like, or how exciting the sex is: you simply focus on what you are feeling, on the signs of your approaching ejaculation (as we described above) - and if it's going to happen, you stop moving until your sexual arousal has dropped again and you are back in control.
You can repeat this technique as often as you need to until you have gained greater control over your ejaculation. There are of course, other things you can do to control premature ejaculation, such as making love in the sex positions where you receive less stimulation to your penis, so that you naturally last longer - side by side sex is very good in that way.
The outline given above is just a summary of the full self-help treatment program, which is explained in much more detail on the website www.preventingejaculation.com which also describes many other things you can use to help yourself overcome premature ejaculation.