This is an article for women…
Suppose your husband walked up to you and said, “I’ll do the dishes tonight if you’ll have sex with me later…interested?”
What would your answer be?
For many women, their answer would be “NOT interested” for two very big reasons. One, it’s a manipulative, “score-keeping” proposition that’s completely unattractive. It’s a proposition that’s designed to create obligation and debt…which can quickly turn into guilt or resentment…and negative emotions don’t lead to positive experiences.
Two it’s a cheapening proposition. It would cause most woman to feel cheap…like a low-value commodity being traded for another low-value commodity…like their body was equal in value to a dish-washing job.
Wives don’t want their husband to do things just to get sex…but then they turn around and tell their husband that if he’ll help out more it will help her get in the mood to GIVE HIM SEX.
So, do you want to know why so many men think, behave, and operate in a way that’s unattractive to a woman?
It’s because they took their “prompts” from the women in their past and now they take their “prompts” from their wife!
In other words, when a wife is constantly telling her husband things like, “If you’d help out around the house more…I might be more interested in making love” then the message the husband is going to get is, “Do things to get sex.”
And wife, you know good and well, the more things your husband does to get sex, the more you’re going to resist him, right?
So, don’t “train” him to be that way!!!
Of course, life responsibilities should be divided up in an equitable way that capitalizes on each person’s strengths. But, that doesn’t mean a woman has to play manipulative games that insinuate sexual offers in order to get her husband to help out more…or to give her something she wants…and the woman who plays such games should not be surprised when her husband responds with manipulative…unattractive…behavior.
Ok, disconnecting doing things from getting sex is the first shift a wife can make to create a more satisfying marriage. Now, let’s talk about the second shift…
Lady, did you notice my uppercased words earlier, “GIVE HIM SEX”?
Here’s what I’ve got to ask you…when you give your husband sex, what are you giving yourself?
This is the mistake that way too many women make…they do so many things for someone else…and they thereby DRAIN all the joy OUT of what would otherwise be a wonderful experience or event. By doing things for someone else, they transform it into something to feel resentful, bitter, and unappreciated about.
But, when a woman does something FOR HER SELF…AND to be a blessing to others…THEN, she can CAPTURE all the joy, pleasure, and satisfaction out of the experience or event that’s there just for her to get and enjoy. In this model, it doesn’t matter what other people (your husband) does or does not do because you’re doing the right things for YOU.
A woman can re-read the previous paragraph as many times as she needs to.
So, in the realm of sex, a woman should NOT “give her husband sex”. Instead, she should give HERSELF sex with her husband…she should enjoy sex for HERSELF while sharing in the experience WITH her husband.
How big of a step would you have to take to make this shift? What would it take for you to reach a state of honesty and integrity where you could LET yourself enjoy sex for YOU without shame, criticism, condemnation, judgment, or guilt?
Here’s what I can tell you…when you can openly and honestly want sex because YOU want it…not because your husband did something…not because you want something from your husband…but because you like it and want it THEN two BIG things will happen for you. One, you will FREE yourself to enjoy the satisfaction and pleasure that’s missing for you when you are just giving your husband sex. Two, assuming your husband is a normal man, you will fire up the love and respect that he has for you to a level that’s beyond anything you have ever imagined in your most fantastic Cinderella or Snow White fantasy.
Now, if you are ready for more satisfaction in YOUR marriage life, then you can help yourself make this important shift by filling in this anonymous survey for women
Copyright 2010, Article by Calle Zorro of HusbandWifeHelp.com
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