Sometimes, after a long period of celibacy, a right good shag is just the ticket to clear away the cobwebs and rejuvenate your senses. But for a relationship to work in the long term, sensuality rather than sexuality is needed.
If there is little sensuality in the relationship, if men insist on continuing with grabbing, groping and concentrating entirely on a woman's sexual organs in a sexual way, their partners, who seemed enthusiastic in the beginning, will start to withdraw and the relationship will end.
This failure to appreciate the importance of sensuality sometimes leaves men feeling confused and even used: "She was really into me at first.... now she won't let me touch her. I don't understand. What did I do wrong? Did she find out how boring I really am? Was it just a quick shag she was looking for before moving on to the next man?..."
Sensuality is NOT sex. But cultivating sensuality will have a huge impact on the quality of the sex you have, the quality of ALL your relationships and on the quality of the life you lead generally.
Many people make the mistake of trying to improve their sex life without cultivating a sensual approach to all of life. This often just leads to people feeling clumsy, frustrated and downright embarrassed in attempting Tantric-style techniques with which they're just not comfortable.
Sensuality is about being acutely aware of your surroundings. It is about taking the time to appreciate whatever is coming through your senses of sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste. It is about stopping to smell the roses both literally and figuratively. Whether you are making love, eating, walking, dancing, gardening or doing the laundry, all of these activities have potential for sensual experience for those who want to savour the world, rather than rush through it all to an imaginary ending. Indeed, all of life itself has potential for sensual awakening and experience and it is when you engage with LIFE in this way, that you become a sensual person and a much better lover with your partner, because you fall in love with LIFE.
When you live sensually, you LOVE. You live in the moment of what is there without thinking about the past or the future. You can look into your lover's eyes and delicately touch their bare skin, without feeling any urge to rush ahead and shove your great big wet tongue into the beauty you are admiring. Is that really something you would do with a rose in your garden? Then why do it with the rose who is your lover if you don't want to feel thorns?
In the end, nobody really wants to be shagged. But everybody wants to feel loved and appreciated. And no matter how much you say you love and appreciate someone, unless they can actually experience that from you in a real, sensual way, they won't be convinced.
So before you embark on any relationship, or try to improve your sex life, take a good look at the relationship you're having with yourself and your environment. If you truly want a positive, loving relationship on all levels that's going to last, slow down and start having a sensual, loving relationship today, with yourself, and with all of LIFE.