In the course of helping men create a more affectionate, intimate, and sexual relationship with their wife, a LOT of women come to me talking about their greatest struggle in relation to their husband.
As a husband, you need to know about this!
So, what is a wife's greatest struggle? In general, it is that she believes her husband is a good man. She believes he is a good provider for the family. She believes he is a good dad. She believes he is a level-headed, dependable man. Overall, she believes that he is a good person and a good citizen.
The problem is...she is not sexually attracted to him. As a normal woman, she likes sex. She wants sex all the time with a certain kind of man. She loves the idea of sharing her sexuality with a sexually attractive man. She dreams of passionate, exciting lovemaking. But yet, she doesn't want this level of sexual closeness with her husband.
Now, when she and her husband finally do get around to making love, sometimes it's kind of good...but again, the problem is that she doesn't want it with him very often because she is not sexually attracted to him. In effect, she has to reach a certain level of horniness before she is willing to have sex with a man who she is not sexually attracted to...and that is why sex doesn't happen very often in the typical marriage.
And so, a wife's greatest struggle is that on one hand, her husband is a good man...and on the other hand, she is not sexually attracted to him. In relating to and interacting with her as a woman, her husband does not think, behave, or operate in a way that is attractive, appealing, desirable, or sexy to her and so she is not sexually attracted to him.
So, what is a wife supposed to do in this situation?
Her dream before she got married was to have a fun, enjoyable, exciting, passionate, intimate, and sexual marriage relationship with a sexy man. That is what she wanted. That is what she dreamed about. That is why she married her husband...because at the dating stage, she believed all of this was possible with him.
But, now that she's married and has got to know her husband for who he really is...and her fantasies about him have been destroyed...well, she just doesn't feel the "magic" with him. She wants the "magic"...but it's just not there in relation to her husband. She has always wanted to share a "magical" relationship with a man...and she always will want this. This is STILL what she dreams about.
And yet, her husband does not provide her with the manly traits and characteristics she needs in order to be sexually attracted to him. Yes, he is a good man. And yes, he provides many other things for her that are important to her. But, in that most important area of shared sexuality, he does not provide the things she needs in order to be sexually attracted to him.
As has been said many times by a lot of smart people, "The enemy of best is good." And that my husband friend makes YOU your wife's enemy. That puts YOU in that place where your wife is pushed away from you...and she is turned off by you...and she ends up being forced to look elsewhere for the "best" that she wants to enjoy with a man.
She doesn't want to look elsewhere. She would much prefer that her husband be the one she feels sexual attraction for. But, he lacks the traits and characteristics she needs, and so he is unable to generate that sexual turn-on inside of her towards him. This is exactly why so many women harbor bitterness and resentment towards their husband...wife after wife is angry at her husband because he does not know how to turn her on.
For a while, a woman will try to supplant the sexual relationship she desires with a man by establishing close relationships with children, friends, pets, or her job. But eventually, she will reach that stage where she can no longer tolerate living with unfulfilled sexual desire. This is exactly why there are so many 35 - 50 year old women who seemingly "go crazy" in leaving their husband and family behind.
They realize that their life is approximately half-way over with and they are unwilling to spend the last half of their adult life in the same dissatisfying and unfulfilling situation as the first half. And so, they "go crazy" as people call it...but really they are just doing everything they can to find the "passion" they have been dreaming of since they were a teenager.
A related element of this struggle that a wife has is that she is "sick and tired" of being her husband's "momma". She is "sick and tired" of having to baby-sit and hand-hold her husband in order for him to be "happy". She is "sick and tired" of having to teach him...and lead him...and guide him...and direct him.
Now, on the husband's side, he is unhappy with his not-very-sexual marriage...he wants his wife to be more sexual with him...and yet, it's not happening...so what does he do? Well, either he goes to his wife and starts complaining like a little boy...or he starts asking "momma" to teach him how to turn her on so he can get the sex he wants.
Well guess what? Neither of these behaviors work...they never have worked and they never will work. They do not work for the husband and they for sure do not work for the wife. A wife cannot be a "momma" and a lover to the same man. Let me say that again; your wife cannot be a "momma" to you...and be your lover at the same time. It will NEVER happen.
So, the more a husband tries to get his wife to be a "momma" to him...the more he tries to get her to be a "momma" who takes care of him and gives him all the things he wants, the more she is NOT going to be a lover to him.
I am going to go a bit deeper with this...
The typical husband asks his wife over and over what it is that she needs in order to be turned on. And, although she may occasionally give him some generic response such as "be more romantic", she has mostly told him over and over that she doesn't know exactly...and for the most part, she really does not know because she is a woman...she is wired to just feel turn on or turn-off in response to a man. She's NOT wired to scientifically, analytically, and logically break down her feelings and needs so that she can communicate them to her husband in a scientific and logical way.
And besides, even if she could communicate a "scientific turn-on formula" to her husband, she wouldn't want to because to do so would undermine and destroy the very passion and excitement that she CRAVES to share with a sexually attractive man.
But her husband...showing his fundamental lack of understanding of her...just keeps on asking her for the equivalent of a scientific formula...because he wants to be able to scientifically apply the formula...because he wants to be able to push a button that flips his wife into wanting to give him the sex that he wants with her.
And there he is...wanting sex...not understanding why his wife doesn't want sex...and never realizing that she wants sex so bad she can barely stand it...but just not with him. There he is...not understanding that HIS mode of operation is what is squelching his wife's ability to share herself with him sexually.
At this point, I want to go back to a point I touched on previously...
A man needs to understand that often, a wife will still have sex with her husband even when she is not attracted to him. In roughly 95% of all marriages, a wife becomes less and less and less sexual with her husband over time. A wife may get 5, 10, 15, or 20 years into the marriage...depending upon her caliber and capacity...before she reaches that stage where she can no longer have sex with a man who she has not been sexually attracted to for a very long time.
But, in the meantime, it is common for a wife to still have sex with her husband even though she does not feel any sexual attraction or desire for him. This truth is manifested in many, many ways. In some marriages, it is manifested by how the wife restricts the sexual activities that are "allowed"...such as blocking some or all oral sex...or allowing only missionary-position sex...or avoiding real kissing. In other marriages, it is manifested by the boringness, staleness, and lack of passion that accompanies the sex.
Why am I telling you this? Here is why...just because a man and his wife are having sex right now...that does not mean the wife is sexually attracted to her husband. What it means is that she is continuing to give herself to him in hopes that somewhere along the way he will figure out how to be the kind of man who turns her on sexually.
Now, just to be clear...as much as it may sound like it, I am NOT down on men. In no way am I suggesting that men are bad. I am saying these things so that men can become aware of what is REALLY going on in their marriage. I am saying these things so that the typical husband can understand that he has not received the education in relation to his wife that he needs to receive and so that he can do something about it and change his marriage accordingly.
The conditions and circumstances of the typical marriage proves that the husband has not yet received the education in relation to his wife that he needs. But, just because he has not yet received this education does not mean he has to go through the rest of his life without it. To do so would be just plain stupid...and I think men are a lot smarter than that.
So as it applies to you personally, don't waste another day. Get the education you need. Take care of business. Get on it...and soon enough, your wife will WANT to be on you!
Find out how to be a man who thinks, behaves, and operates in a way that is appealing, attractive, desirable, and sexy to your wife. Get yourself educated on how to BE the man who your wife IS sexually attracted to. Discover the traits and characteristics your wife needs you to possess in order to be turned on by you.
Copyright 2012 by Calle Zorro
Calle Zorro helps men create a marriage relationship that is filled with sexual intimacy. Too many men are needlessly suffering from a lack of sex in a sexless marriage with what feels like a frigid, non-sexual wife. The truth is that they can fix their marriage relationship and enjoy a satisfying sex-life. Get rid of that not enough sex problem and create your own sexual marriage at www.NymphomaniacWife.com