It's a sad fact that, in these modern times, somewhere between 10% and 20% of adult women have never experienced an orgasm, and as much as 50% of women don't orgasm during sex. Sexual and sensual education have advanced to where we now understand much more about the female orgasm, such as the fact that women have two completely different places they can stimulate in order to bring themselves to full satisfaction. Since the vibrator was specifically created to allow women to experience orgasms, it remains the best tool for women to discover what they enjoy, and what stimulates them in the best way to achieve the ultimate O.
The first step, of course, is acquiring a vibrator. Most "adult stores" are pretty cheesy and uncomfortable for women to shop in, which is why the internet is such a popular medium for adult toy shopping. Look at the pictures, read about the materials, and choose something you find attractive and that looks fun. This is the first step on a wonderful journey, so enjoy it!
To have the best experience with your vibrator, give yourself some time with it. Before you even switch it on, get relaxed and turned on. Take a long bubble bath, read an erotic story, get yourself in the mood. For most women, orgasms are as much psychological as they are physiological. If your mind isn't in the right place, your body won't be either.
Get comfortable on your bed, on a rug in front of your fireplace, or just stay in the tub if you've purchased a waterproof vibe. Relax, start slow, and get to know your vibrator and your body. Touch different parts of your genitals with your vibrator. Discover what feels good, then keep doing it. Let your arousal build and let nature take its course.
There really isn't any "right" way to use a vibrator or to bring yourself to orgasm. The most important thing to remember is that a vibrator is a tool to help you stimulate yourself; while it can help you reach a climax, it's not an instant orgasm machine. You control it and use it in the way that feels best to you.
Experiment with your vibrator, try its different features, and apply it to different areas of your body to see what the sensations are like. Most women respond to clitoral stimulation, but you may prefer more or less intensity, or more or less direct stimulation. The labia and vulva are also sensitive.
If your vibrator is insertable, give that a try. Some women find penetration and vibration inside the vagina very pleasurable. A vibrator is the best tool you can use to find and stimulate your G-spot. This little node of pleasure is on the front wall of your vagina, a couple of inches in. It can take a few tries to find this spot, and not everyone who finds it actually likes it because of how sensitive it can be. Some women can't find it at all. All of these things are normal, so you just have to see what works for you.
Many women need clitoral rather than vaginal stimulation to actually bring them to orgasm, so if vaginal penetration with your vibrator isn't getting you anywhere, go back to using the vibrator on your clitoris. One technique you can use with a smooth insertable vibrator is to place the tip against your clitoris, then slide the shaft down between your labia, insert the vibrator and slide it into your vagina, and then bring it back up in a reverse stroke, sliding along the clitoris again on the way up.
Once you discover what feels good, keep doing it, relax, and let your arousal build. If you find that the vibrator brings you to the point of climaxing too quickly, back off and try a less intense form of stimulation, or even use your hand for a while and go back to the vibrator. You'll find that, like many things, the more you practice achieving orgasm, the easier it'll become.
Orgasm during sex is whole different thing, of course. One of the best things you can do is simply to masturbate often and keep all of your sexual organs in good shape. Masturbation helps your body to establish a habit of orgasming - if you can bring yourself to orgasm every time you get turned on, your body learns how to get there more easily when you're having sex with someone else.
Easy, practical things you can do to help your body are drinking lots of water and avoiding alcohol to keep everything downstairs healthy and lubricated. Do your Kegels - these exercises tone and tighten the muscles you use during sex, heightening the sensations you experience during sex. A set of Smartballs (an updated, silicone-coated version of Ben Wa balls) are a really easy, comfortable way to keep your PC muscles in shape.
If you are like most women, and you orgasm from clitoral stimulation, there are a hundred toys out there you can wear during sex. These vibrators are designed to stimulate your clitoris during sex. Probably the easiest to use are vibrating penis-rings, which your partner wears around his penis and has an attachment where you can insert a vibrating bullet. A nice version of this is the Clearly Sensual Vibrating Cock Ring. Another fun toy you can use during sex is a strap-on clitoral stimulator such as the Venus Butterfly or the Micro Butterfly Arouser. Elastic straps around the waist and/or thighs hold a small vibrator in place while you make love. One of the more unique toys of this nature is the Vibrating Lover's Thong, which not only vibrates on your clitoris, but has a double row of beads that stimulate your lover as he moves in and out.
Technology and research have opened up a whole new world of possibilities when it comes to female orgasms. Take advantage of what's available, and you may find yourself fulfilled in ways you never imagined possible.
Short note about the author
Lance Russell is the author of the book "Recipes for Better Sex: 75 Ways to Spice Up Your Love Life." He is co-owner of PleasureMeNow.com.