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Hillary Clinton Loses Patience; Demands Own Resignation

In a surprising turn of political morphing, Hillary Clinton announced that she has lost patience with herself and plans to demand her own resignation from the Senate. Fresh from...
Views: 221 Created 12/02/2006

In a surprising turn of political morphing, Hillary Clinton announced that she has lost patience with herself and plans to demand her own resignation from the Senate.

Fresh from her miscalculated call for the resignation of Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, the man who, despite being entangled in Iraq like a Houdini in chains even he can?t wangle his way out of, is likely the most rational mind and steadiest hand in the Bush administration.

By doing so, she consented to line up with Democratic loyalists who long ago became vociferous advocates of Mr. Rumsfeld?s eary exit.

Once it became apparent to her more incisive advocates that, in the interest of political connivance, she had made a carefully considered misjudgment that compromised the solidity of their trust in her suitability for high office, she immediately made a Clintonian changeover and advocated her own immediate dismissal.

?I can?t believe I did it,? she said in a formal statement. ?Here I was, prudently restraining myself from Rummy rage and being seen as the leading Democratic candidate for President. Think of it! I could have become the first female President of the United States! But then, thinking about making some electoral hay while the war rages, I let myself go way out on a shaky limb and demand Secretary Rumsfeld?s resignation. I forgot to ask myself who might bring a more able mind to the conduct of the war and, even more importantly, who might make a difference in his ability to persuade the President to change our course in that nation on the brink of our worst fears. I am deeply sorry. Obviously, a person who has displayed such dangerous misjudgment should not even continue in the Senate, let alone hope to become the President. But I know my husband will never forgive me if I do decide to resign. He was so much looking forward to returning to the White House and frolicking there, at times, I hope, even with his gal from the get-go, that is, of course, if I myself should ever again wish to do so.?

And so we witness yet another electoral casualty of inept political stratagems, based on the conviction that emergencies much be stirred, so choices can be presented, as calculatingly as any side can figure out to arrange them, and votes accrued.

The unwavering conviction that patriotism leavened with wisdom might be even more convincing as the substantive criterion for electability seems to have disappeared in the chilly mist of options dismissed as impractical to stimulating the insensate ears of most of the voting populace.

Short note about the author

Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "great humor and ebullience" and "good, genuine laughs."

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