Are you conscious or unconscious? What do I mean? I’ll give you a perfect example. A good friend of mine recently resigned from the Board of Directors of a non-profit group.
Why did she resign? The founder & Chairman of the Board never says thank you, takes responsibility for his actions, blames others for his shortcomings and backbiting is rampant throughout the organization. Water runs downhill, ladies and gentleman. But what do I really mean by unconscious?
When you say thank you are you looking someone directly in the eye, do you grab their hand with both of yours, and with every ounce of sincerity in your soul, do you say "Thank you" and mean it from the bottom of your heart?
Or are your lips moving, words coming out of your mouth, with spirit inside? That's what I mean by unconscious.
So what is wrong with his non-profit? Why did she resign? His organization has been around for 20 years, yet they have less than $100K. He planned on visiting an organization 1000 times the size of his $10 million in annual revenues.
Now, I have to tell you I was shocked that someone so bright, would never attempt to learn how to write a business plan on their own? We are talking about an extremely intelligent individual. One highly educated person, in fact as highly educated as Professor Carol Dweck. I imagine she would refer to him as someone with a growth mindset.
Initially, I offered to draft one for him. However, once we started talking about it I realized it was impossible for me to write his business plan. He had to craft it on his own. Without a business plan I could understand why his organization was weak financially, execution abysmal, strategy non-existent and management sad. Yet when I suggested to him to ask for guidance, he was appalled and embarrassed by this thought.
“I’ve been around for 20 years. We’re not a start-up. They’ve been around for only five.”
“That’s not the point. Look at how far they have come in such a short period of time. What you need to do is look at what they are doing and how they are doing it. Go and sit in front of the greatness you see and learn from them.”
And so the question is, will his organization ever have the capacity for greatness? That is yet to be determined. Can he see beyond his own shortcomings? We all have them. It is recognizing our shortcomings that leads us to greatness.
When my friend met with the Chairman to resign, here was their conversation:
“Why are you resigning?”
“You honestly don’t know?”
“I have no clue.”
“That’s exactly why I’m resigning.”
“And you aren’t going to give me any answer.”
“Do you remember when I first started on this Board how excited and committed I was?”
“Yes?”
“And can you think about what if anything may have changed?”
“No.”
“You have your answer.”
He walks the earth unconscious. Unaware. Completely devoid of how his actions or words affect others. He doesn’t reach out to people. He doesn’t send notes of concern. Or thank others for their support. It’s almost as if he expects the world to be there for him. Why? I do not know.
People will join his organization, then walk away as they have for twenty years. Recognition is all anyone wants. When you don’t say thank you or have time to care for anyone except yourself—the chances are pretty good no else is going to care about you.
How do you build self-awareness? One small tiny part is understanding how your feelings manifest in your behavior and in your communication. Do you shut down? Do you withdraw? Do you disengage? Or do you put nerve gas into your Uzi and shoot your pillows? Then lay down and fall asleep forever. Good one.
Recognize your feelings. Pull them out and look at them. Because they affect what you, do in your business. If you don’t pull those feelings out the pink elephant will crush your skull with the agony of your own stupidity. Now, how is it that I know this so well? Call it experience. Feelings cause you to react. I always counsel employees, my inner child and my children to disengage from emotionally charged situations and refrain from doing anything.
However, you need to recognize what those feelings are and where they come from. What’s motivating you to feel a certain way? Here’s a classic example. Recently I was tagged in a
meme on my other blog
Murphy’s Law. And I’m a strategist. So prior to
posting my meme, I did all the necessary due diligence. I sought out people with different mindsets, thought differently and brought something different to the table.
What’s interesting to note is that I emailed everyone except for two people and asked them whether or not they would respond to my tag. Only one person refused the tag. Now this is truly comical to me and I have to share it. I am confidential by nature due to what I do for a living. However, my objective on this blog is to teach and educate people about the strategy of their careers in life.
The one person who refused my tag is someone who refers to himself with an acronym, which I personally find amusing. It’s natural my first feeling would anger. Everyone gets angry. Acknowledge it. Then let it be. Put it aside for a few days. Walk away from it. Then come back to it. It looks a whole lot different. In fact it looks ridiculous, and stupid and funny. Think how small someone must be to call himself an acronym. And we aren't talking about any acronym. We are talking about an acronym that is totally outrageous.
Not one of my clients or myself would ever dream of doing something so arrogant. That says everything you need to know about this guy. I chose to be big. Its natural to want to go smack Mr. Acronym in the head and say to him you are an ass, right? These are natural feelings. They are an unpleasant fact and a reality in life. How you deal with these feelings is what defines your character and helps determines whether you are big or small.
So the question for you is, how small, big, or huge are you? Do you see only greatness in yourself? If you see greatness in others, then the chances are others will see greatness in you.