Here's the beauty of the Prep picture............
Patrick is my youngest son and was born with congenital heart and lung disease. He's in the middle...and obviously doesn't quite fit. My oldest is one of kids graduating. My middle son isn't in the picture.
So I have two sons that are brilliant. One that will struggle for the rest of his life with the simplest things....like remembering the names of his Uncles and Aunts, or the answer to 7 plus 6.
My oldest son dreamed of going to a school called St. Joseph's Prep since he was five years old. It's an all boys private high school in Philadelphia. About 1000 boys apply, and 100 non-legacy kids get in every year. There is something magical about the school, I don't know what it is, but the boys LOVE the school. And the gentleman that graduate from there, are truly gentleman. Here's the story about my son's dream and how it unfolded.
I have an issue with entitlement. There is no entitlement in life. Yet, we live in a world where many parents today raise their children believing they are entitled to something. What I do not know. But its a problem. A huge problem.
My boys have to earn everything as I have in life. I grew up poor. I put myself through college and am very proud of that. I think it builds character and wouldn't change one minute of my struggles in life. I started working when I was 9 years old. My sons started working when they were 11. I had a newspaper route with hundreds of newspapers. By the time I was 12, I had a babysitting empire. They caddied at a country club.
They wanted to go to a private high school. I went to a public school, so they had to earn that right from me.
They did. Here was our conversation,
"Mike, I don't believe in private school, I don't believe in entitlement, it makes me angry. No one gave me anything, so I'm not giving everything to you. If you want to a private school you have to earn that. Understand, if I pay for your high school, then you are going to have to pay for your college." I said to my son.
"What do I have to do?" he asked.
"You have to get the grades to get in and the grades to stay You have to get a 4.0"
"Mom, it's really hard there. I don't know if I'll be able to get a 4.0"
"Then you shouldn't go." I said with not one ounce of emotion.
When he was going to get his letter in the mail, he said to me,
"Mom, please don't open my mail. This is the most important letter I have ever received in my life. I've waited for this letter since I was five years old.
The first day of high school I take him to the bus and he says to me,
"Its really tough Mom, I'm never gong to get a 4.0"
"Mike, I got a 4.0 my first semester in college and college is a lot harder than the Prep. So, let me put it this way. If you can't get a 4.0 at the Prep, you shouldn't be there." I said dead serious.
His sophomore year we were talking about colleges, as I told him, I wasn't paying to his college, since I was paying for a private high school.
"Mom, what if I get into the Ivy Leagues?"
"Well, we'll cross the bridge when we come to it." never thinking that would be an issue.
Four years later, he's at Columbia University.
During all those years, when his friends came home, I told all of them the story about Patrick. I have always been a compassionate and empathetic person...but now I have to tell you nothing angers me more than people who are plastic, shallow, hateful and cruel. You see once you have a child with special needs your lense in life becomes so much more sensitive.
I have a major issue with people that are hate filled, cruel or unkind. I don't care what your religion is, what color your skin is, or what school you went to, how much money you make, what your daddy does for a living, or what you do for a living. I've been a waitress, a sales clerk...and everything in between. I believe anyone who treats anyone unkindly is listening to the devil. Its just that freaking simple. So people like Rush Limbaugh and the far right wing Christians aren't Christians at all....that are hate mongers. And they propagate hate.
So when these beautiful young men would come to our home to visit, I would tell them the story about Patrick......to share with them the gift that God gave to my sons and me.
Every single one of those boys.....20 of them.....loved Patrick like he was their little brother. All those boys lived at our house. We had every after party, junior prom party, every party imaginable. And Patrick was included. Which is why Patrick is in the middle of the picture. Patrick was the center of their life.
Each young man had a choice. They chose to be huge. They chose to make a difference in some one's life. All of them are in college now. Patrick will see them at crew races and it will be the most exciting day of his year when he sees them. And I am sure each one of them will hug and kiss him. Though Patrick is now 13 years old and doesn't like to be hugged and kissed by anyone-----he will be thrilled to be hugged by these young men.
Patrick and I miss each one of those young men more than we ever imagined. Our house seems so empty without them. We long for their voices, their laughter, the sound of them opening the frig or walking in the door. I'm not sure who misses them more.......me or Patrick.
But I do know that Patrick made all of us better than any of us could have ever been.
Copyright 2007 Ev Nucci