Many relationship issues arise from a lack of self-esteem. Low self-esteem can contribute to withdrawal, lack of intimacy and even infidelity in a relationship.
So, how can you increase your self-esteem? Well, self-esteem is not a commodity that can be plucked from a tree or pulled from a shelf. You see, having merit for ones self is all about self-love and that comes from within. So, in many ways achieving a high level of self-esteem is propagated by an inward journey. Although the majority of so called self-esteem experts are proponents of teaching external behavioral modification, which obviously flies in the face of my concept! The following are examples of external behavioral modification:
1. Think about someone who is confident and act, talk and walk like he or she. Model their mannerisms and behavior. It works for them; it will work for you.
2. Smile a lot more. That doesn't mean putting a silly grin on your face! But smile when you walk down the street, when you meet people and generally be happier even if you're not feeling that way.
3. Buy yourself some new clothes, get your hair done, and treat yourself to something new. It will make you feel better and will give your ego a boost.
4. Be positive. Look on the "can do" side of things rather than the "can't do". You've accomplished lots in your life and you will accomplish lots more in the future.
No one, including me, would dispute the fact that modifying any of the above-mentioned behavior modifications would result in a positive outcome. But, the question is; for how long? In my opinion, when these behaviors are modified externally the changes are short lived at best!
Let’s examine the definition of self-esteem for a moment. Self-esteem is defined as having confidence in your own merit as an individual. So, what reduces a person’s self-merit, confidence, and self-love? In my opinion, self esteem issues stem from patterns of family dysfunction such as abuse, control, and part-time parenting. Think about it for a moment! Have you been controlled by a parent, verbally abused, or forced to parent your siblings? These patterns create negative self-limiting beliefs that are at the very root of self-esteem issues. Frequently, these patterns create fears and insecurities that often destroy a relationship. And, let me assure you that a lack of confidence or low self esteem is not only unattractive to most, but it is also the direct fundamental cause of jealousy, envy, criticism, and control; the behaviors that destroy a relationship.
Can you now begin to understand why making external behavioral changes is the equivalent of putting a band-aid on the problem!
Best wishes,
David Roppo
The Relationship Rehab Coach
For more information on how to save your relationship and how to increase your self-esteem visit my website below…
http://www.visionquestlifecoaching.com